I wasn't ready.

You know while I was getting married there's a thought that went through my head, “This is it. I love him and everything will be ok in the end.". That didn't last long. Within the first year of marriage we were on our way to divorce.
No matter the extent of love and how deep it may run, 18 is not the age anyone should be married. There maybe difference of opinion and ways to make it work. But at the end of the day your still young and have no idea how the world works. The responsibilities that shouldn’t come at such a immature age of mind.
I only started trying to make sense of why I choose to get married so young. I believe I was selfish. I wanted to get out of my house and all I wanted was freedom. Of course, being married is like having parents. You have a significant other that you have to make decisions with, choose everyday events, and provide for. I didn’t realize this of course and took responsibility with a grain of salt. My husband was left with raising a teenager.
I tried to leave every fight we had. We made love and held each other after and the fight wasn’t brought up until the next one. It was a vicious cycle of arguments that really had no real importance but immature notion that we were too young in both age and relationship. We didn’t realize the amount of sacrifice we had to get give up of our single selves.
Marriage was beautiful, complicated, hard, eye opening, and it sure as hell made me grow up. The constant sharing of a life is so appealing and sounds so good in the land of fairy tales. What the princess movies don’t tell you is that you have to deal with the little piles of coins, lighters, little notes, paper clips, and pens on every surface throughout your home. You don’t find out until after you move in that he only uses towels that have the tag still on them, or that he likes his pasta undercooked.
You end up having to learn to live with someone, and put up with this person you love. I wasn’t ready.

I'm getting a divorce.

Time to let the truth out. I was with my husband for 5 years. Many up and downs. He tried his best to give me what I want and I just took and took, instead of contributing. I wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in a marriage, or even a relationship for that matter. I put myself out there like a strong and independent woman, yet I had no idea what bullshit that would come out of my mouth I was talking about. As I look back I can understand why I tried so hard to make my marriage look like a fairy tale. Truthfully it only became a fairy tale after the first year and a half. We had already decided on Divorce 6 months into it.
I think I need to give details about it all..
This is my new and improved outlook on life that took 5 years to finally get through my stubborn ass and be honest with myself about. Before I go on everyday posting the scandal, betrayal, heart ache, and incredibly sexy story of my last 5 years, I need to put out there that I understand some of it will be too raw and people will eventually peg me as a cheater, untrustworthy, and a horrible bitch. I have no problem with any of it. I just want to tell my story. Bring it on world, I can take everything that gets thrown my way, you'll see..

I tried to warn you, don't say I didn't.