I wasn't ready.

You know while I was getting married there's a thought that went through my head, “This is it. I love him and everything will be ok in the end.". That didn't last long. Within the first year of marriage we were on our way to divorce.
No matter the extent of love and how deep it may run, 18 is not the age anyone should be married. There maybe difference of opinion and ways to make it work. But at the end of the day your still young and have no idea how the world works. The responsibilities that shouldn’t come at such a immature age of mind.
I only started trying to make sense of why I choose to get married so young. I believe I was selfish. I wanted to get out of my house and all I wanted was freedom. Of course, being married is like having parents. You have a significant other that you have to make decisions with, choose everyday events, and provide for. I didn’t realize this of course and took responsibility with a grain of salt. My husband was left with raising a teenager.
I tried to leave every fight we had. We made love and held each other after and the fight wasn’t brought up until the next one. It was a vicious cycle of arguments that really had no real importance but immature notion that we were too young in both age and relationship. We didn’t realize the amount of sacrifice we had to get give up of our single selves.
Marriage was beautiful, complicated, hard, eye opening, and it sure as hell made me grow up. The constant sharing of a life is so appealing and sounds so good in the land of fairy tales. What the princess movies don’t tell you is that you have to deal with the little piles of coins, lighters, little notes, paper clips, and pens on every surface throughout your home. You don’t find out until after you move in that he only uses towels that have the tag still on them, or that he likes his pasta undercooked.
You end up having to learn to live with someone, and put up with this person you love. I wasn’t ready.

I'm getting a divorce.

Time to let the truth out. I was with my husband for 5 years. Many up and downs. He tried his best to give me what I want and I just took and took, instead of contributing. I wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in a marriage, or even a relationship for that matter. I put myself out there like a strong and independent woman, yet I had no idea what bullshit that would come out of my mouth I was talking about. As I look back I can understand why I tried so hard to make my marriage look like a fairy tale. Truthfully it only became a fairy tale after the first year and a half. We had already decided on Divorce 6 months into it.
I think I need to give details about it all..
This is my new and improved outlook on life that took 5 years to finally get through my stubborn ass and be honest with myself about. Before I go on everyday posting the scandal, betrayal, heart ache, and incredibly sexy story of my last 5 years, I need to put out there that I understand some of it will be too raw and people will eventually peg me as a cheater, untrustworthy, and a horrible bitch. I have no problem with any of it. I just want to tell my story. Bring it on world, I can take everything that gets thrown my way, you'll see..

I tried to warn you, don't say I didn't.

Get A clue Military wives!

Ok So I'm not into bashing or one- upping or knowing it all. I am just Me. I am a individual person who has a wonderful Husband and leads my own life that compliments my husband and coincides peacefully together.

Now i have come to realize that there are 3 types of military wives out there. I don't like to categorize people or put them in types, even in High school i was a social butterfly and hung out with everyone, But in the military world there is no other way to to put the wives in types.

First!: The one uppers! 1. My Husband is a E-6. What is yours? 2. I have gone through 3 deployments. What about you? 3. My husband is a nuke. What about yours? 4. I'm a young mom there fore i know it all. What about you? 5. Were being stationed in Japan. What about you?
Let's pick apart these why don't we?.
1. Who cares what rank my husband is you only make 200-300 dollars more. 2. Who cares how long apart we have been from eachother. I still miss him and love him, Not more than you or less than you. We have our own individual love and our own marriage that is no where near being like yours.3. Who cares what rate your husband is, they all sweep! 4. Bitch NO! You may know how to change diapers but that doesn't mean you know how to be a good wife. 5. Japan SUCKS! i would like to visit not live there. I rather be in good ole' San Diego.!

Second!: The pity party! 1. Constantly posting on facebook about how your husband is gone, you miss him you love. 2. I can't sleep alone at night! because my husband is a military man. 3. Staying at home because you won't make friends and go out and rather post online ad get pity then have your own life and stand on your own two feet.
let's pick apart these why don't we?.
1. No one cares after the 2nd post! We all miss and love our husbands but shit no one wants to hear about it all the time. 2. Get a dog if you can't sleep. we all signed up for this when we married our military man. 3. Make friends! go out explore your city and make it your home. Don't move back to where your from, stay and live it up the place you are now stationed at because its your home the next 3-5 years.

Third!: The Independent women! 1. Whether her husband is here or not she knows how to have a life of her own whether its her own individuality or her life she shares with her husband. 2. She doesn't whine on facebook. 3. She embraces her new city her military husband and her lonely nights because she gets the whole bed to herself.

We all have to own up to being a wife. But more than others we have to be away from the loves of our lives. It doesn't come at a cheap price or a standstill love. We can't be weak there's no room for it. We have our breakdowns our very lonely nights yor days where all we want to do is stay in bed. You have to build a support system, a individual life, a love for learning new cultures, new cities, new people. Otherwise what marriage stands for no longer holds up in this modern world.

I personally am not going to sit here and one-up you or bash you or tell you i know it all. I probably will one-up you i probably wouldn't have approached friendship with you if we didn't have the military life in common and i do know it all, But who knows because i will never say.

Alexandra Rodriguez Dawson

Sorry if this offends anyone but personal opinions are personal opinions and i will respect yours as long as you respect mine.

My vow

i love you. i want to stay with you forever because life without you in it wouldn't be a life at all.
I married you thinking it would be simple and nothing would change, but that was not it at all was it.
We have been through so much, We have liked, disliked, loved, thought we hated eachother yet here we are.
I'm more passionate about loving you then anything i have ever felt passionate about. I love you because
there's no other person who puts up with me the way you do. I love you because every morning you wake me
up with kisses. You make me a better person or at least get me to want to be a better person.
I still get butterflies thinking about you, or even when i know your coming home from work. I get gitty
when were sitting together watching tv and your tickling me or making the ugly shape with your mouth I
don't like. Your my heart, the love of my life, My best friend, My one and only, My husband and I am madly
in love with you more and more each day even when were fighting.

I love you
Your Wife.

The Difference of navy wives.

I am a Navy wife. I will not deny it, I will proudly say it, and stand up for it.
There is a difference though between the "navy life" I lead. I write this blog in hopes that one day my story, my words will leave there mark in history. Many out there have come up with the great idea of writing a blog following a military wife life and its hardships. We endure many hardships and although I am just as sad and continue living a married life "single", I do not take joy in explaining the actual situation we are left in, or receiving pity for it. Sometimes i feel like the wives writing about our struggles are only trying to receive pity or falsehood of some sort of fame. This blog i hope that will succeed isn't in hopes of fame or wealth, but rather to have an actual look that not all navy wives are cheating on their husbands or that wives are just for the drama. No we have aspirations, dreams, and love. For me, Its fore the love of writing.

Seriously

I am no longer a religious person, I no longer fight for rights, I have decided to write and even so am hyprocrite in my thoughts, I do not care to lie anymore, I am abrupt, I am a good wife but I am full of flaws, If I don't like you then your social life might as well be over, And this sense of honesty is fast becomi...ng but will soon fade into silence, So for now hear this voice, so for now take me seriously.

The concept of love

Who is anyone to define the true meaning of love or what romance really is. I've recently talked to a friend that has a right idea and i quote," Sometimes, I think that I’m a hopeless romantic. You mentioned “just laying in bed and watching movies”. I think that can be romantic, too. In my opinion romance isn’t always about “glits and glamor”. It’s about the time you spend with the one you love." and what if this one theory is right. what if this is what many people in the world believe. what makes a human simple. someone who thinks clearly and comes with a reasonable conclusion to the question on everyone's mind who is or has been in love. i sit with music on and i hear the lyrics, most people don't they think they do but they don't define them for what they really are. just simple words can be accounted as a romantic gesture. but how do we distinguish people from hopeless romantics to those that aren't so hopeless in their quest for love. is there really "the one" or is it something that society made up one day to cover up some estranged fragment of the possible truth due to powerful justification of religion. I'm one of millions who have asked this question. and although there is scientific proof as to why we feel the emotions of love due to our brain waves, how do we know that there really isn't something as powerful as just one word, " LOVE." there have been people who have opposed to the scientific facts. and brought great love stories of the worlds past. what if these love stories are the reasons that politics and kingdoms and countries were defined by the power of love. is it really blind? is it really just a part of our conscience and not our entire being. how do we go on everyday not understanding that our concept of love is not from our own imagination but from others. through out the years. movies, songs, books, folk tale. is this just all a gimmick to reproduce the human race. we as humans are known to be cruel. we are the only animals who kill our own kind. how about maybe our own kind put an evil form of power and transformed it into love. just to get reproduction out of our kind so we can live. but because of this idea this love we are over populated and now are in one of the worst shapes our planet has been in. what if love contributed to fact of global warming. what if every great idea was behind love, behind the passion we carry as humans. i could be wrong in many of my thoughts in this paragraph but none the less they are my thoughts. only because i am to a victim of this power called love.